I recently told a lot of people, some close and others not-so-close to me about a big exam I had scheduled – after spending 30 hours on coursework and self study, I asked for some grace as I felt a strong desire to go underground to study for 7 straight days coming up to the scheduled test date. Nearly 60 hours of intense studying – more than 3,000 multiple choice questions in practice exams and… I didn’t pass. Yep – I didn’t pass. In fact my score seemed as though I hadn’t studied at all – and boy was I ticked.
So many layers of frustration I felt last Thursday:
Layer 1 – I had put my husband, my friends, my clients on hold for a week; Layer 2 – I had felt so good walking into the test - I knew I was going to pass; Layer 3 - I have to take it AGAIN!In my ‘previous life’ I never would have told anyone I was even attempting a major exam….because – yep, what if I didn’t pass…what would other people think of me, and what would I say? Here are the interesting things I learned this past week.
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The universe has a unique sense of humor – the week I commit to completely focus on my studying I ended up with no less than 6 invitations to attend, BBQs, Anniversary Parties, Women’s Conferences, AND my wonderful husband changes his plans to be gone for the weekend and stays home instead – ok universe, I AM committed – stop toying with me. (There’s a lesson here – what’s your take?)
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Standardized tests that work on tricky language as a premise for testing “knowledge” – are not an indicator of how good you are as a practitioner in your chosen field. (Always carefully read a situation –whether it’s with words or people.)
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Admitting my less than perfectness – and spectacular “not passing” on Facebook was one of the greatest gifts I could ever have given myself. (Was showered with support and encouragement to pick myself up, dust myself off, and get the damn thing rescheduled and pass.)
I think I finally get “it” – after many subtle and twice as many not-so subtle reminders that when I make myself vulnerable– I receive my greatest growth.
I don’t remember how old I was when I read this quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Our strength grows out of our weaknesses.” While this line may be a familiar one to many of you – I imagine few have read the rest of the verse which says; “Not until we are pricked and stung and sorely shot at, awakens the indignation which arms itself with secret forces. A great man is always willing to be little. Whilst he sits on the cushion of advantages, he goes to sleep. When he is pushed, tormented, defeated, he has a chance to learn something; he has been put on his wits, on his manhood; he has gained facts; learns his ignorance; is cured of the insanity of conceit; has got moderation and real skill. The wise man always throws himself on the side of his assailants. It is more his interest than it is theirs to find his weak point. The wound cicatrizes and falls off from him like a dead skin and when they would triumph, lo! he has passed on invulnerable. Blame is safer than praise.”
How do you accept praise and encouragement? Is it with grace and gratitude? Or, do you deflect and deny? When you commit to something do you give in to distraction or stay the course? Are you ‘reading’ the situations in your life accurately, or are you missing the tricky language? And finally – when an outcome is not what you desire, do you give-in or go-on?
Enjoy your week!
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I have had my share of failures in the past and I must admit that I can’t help to think that I’m really slow. Up until now I think I am. But the passage you have shared here have given me some light about what I believe in myself. Thanks for sharing this.
It is easy to think we are (insert word here) in many instances in our life – and it is only with conscious thought we create the change we want to see in ourselves. Glad you stopped by.